But That's OK, I Can Live With That
by KuroSensei
Summary: I'd have to say, the four years I've known you have been the four best and worst years of my life... But that's ok, I can live with that... !YULLEN!


**DISCLAIMER:** If -man was mine, Kanda wouldn't be wanting to slice Allen in chapter 210, he'd be wanting to hug him, and their reunion wouldn't be so bleh! O and Kanda wouldn't be so nice to Johnny - BE NICE TO ALLEN NOT JOHNNY! *cough* I think we've established the fact that DGM is not mine, but this cheesy story is =]

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><p><strong>But that's ok, I can live with that<strong>

When I first came to this school, I was an A+ student, I won the favour of my many teachers with my grades as I enjoyed the feeling of being away from the hell of Primary school – I was ready to become an adult.

That was the first half of my eight year of school, seventh grade.

As my year drifted through my grades began to collapse as I fell into another silent depression, my struggle to keep my emotions in check began to be expressed through small images. At first, the childish drawings of men and women were out of venting, and apart from an event towards the end of my seventh year that had counsellors chasing me around and the principle sympathising for me (which was really annoying, in fact), my Seventh year ended on average marks, and I was removed from the highest class.

But that was ok, I could live with that.

My ninth year of school, eighth grade, started with the meeting of a strange boy – he bore long silky hair and had the facial features of an Asian-born, and he seemed quite gruff. As my friends were constantly pressuring me about the typical things like crushes and things, I decided to try and like this new boy (of course, back then, I thought he was a girl).

My first meeting with him went rather good, in a bad sense – we started arguing straight away, and nearly dove into a brawl, but luckily my best friend at the time, Lenalee, stopped me from pummelling him, or vice versa. By this point, thanks to the fact he hadn't hit puberty, I still thought he was a girl – though he straightened it out for me rather well when I asked him why he didn't wear the female school uniform. My nose still twinges at the thought of the punch he sent at it.

But that was ok, I could live with that.

Through-out the first half of the year, he and I began to get closer, and thanks to Lenalee and the fact that he was as smart or smarter than I, he unintentionally joined our group of friends.

My ninth year of schooling was the year I had the most friends, there was 9 of us, and it wasn't uncommon for us the over-flow the seats of the table, accidentally shoving someone off the sides. My ninth year of school was my favourite because of that, it was the time when everything was perfect, where life was good.

My ninth year of school closed with myself and Kanda becoming the best of friends, and the memory still brings a smile to my face of how I spent my entire holidays with him, just exploring town, hanging out, arguing...

But that was ok, I could live with that.

My tenth year, ninth grade, started with the beginning of the School Certificate, and the teachers began to pressure us, though I waved it off. I knew I could sleep my way to a C, easy, and I honestly didn't care about school. By this point, it had become my dream to become a famous artist, a comic artist, and create a comic that inspires many other young artists like me. I loved art, and only art, but ironically, I hated all other forms of it.

Kanda and I were still the best of friends, however some of the people in our group became seniors, and they stopped hanging out with us, as they were in the senior-only areas. Our table became 'tolerable' then, with only about 5 of us filling the table. It was sad to see part of the group break up, but we never truly broke up, even today I keep in contact with them, they've grown to be funny adults, though seriously, the short jokes need to stop.

By the middle of my tenth year of school, something shocking happened. Somehow, Kanda seemed to like me like I liked him for all that time, and we somehow went from watching a movie (Monty Python – I know right, you wouldn't expect it) to kissing. I can remember the month that followed that to be the happiest month of my life, and it was cute to find out Kanda liked hugs and cuddles and was a total worry-wart.

Yes, that month was a very happy (and embarrassing) month for me, when I think back on it, I still blush at some of the things we did.

But that was ok, I could live with that.

Unfortunately, though, Kanda didn't seem to think the relationship was good or something, and after a month, he ended it. I was pretty heartbroken – I didn't cry, no way, but I slipped into another stupid depression and had counsellors chasing me around again.

I wouldn't be shocked if I looked into my old email account and found I still had that email, but I don't want to read it.

Unfortunately, unlike the rest of my relationships in the past, Kanda and I drifted apart. He stopped sitting with us, and he and his friends would go outside to play handball or something all the time. My tenth year of school was my most painful, because by the time the year ended, only myself and my best friend of so many years, Lenalee, were left at that table, and she was always reading, I was always drawing.

As a result, I decided to close off my heart to the world, so I couldn't get hurt again, and I had to destroy this attachment to Kanda, because even six months later, it was seemingly fighting stroner than it had in the beginning. But it wasn't love, never love.

But that was ok, I could live with that.

My eleventh year of schooling, and my last year as a junior, granted me one of my best friends to date, something I am still incredibly grateful for. It was mid-year when Lenalee met Lavi, and like Kanda, she dragged him into the group, and when I found out he was bisexual, well, I don't know, we kind of clicked.

Within a month, Lavi and I were the best of friends, and we got along with everything – we agreed to everything, and though we never hung out after school, during school, he made my days brighter. I still argued and talked with Kanda – we had put the relationship behind us and decided to become friends again, never best, but still friends – but it just wasn't the same, and we just kept drifting apart.

He kept aceing his classes, being the number one student, and I kept bombing them, being an average student (yet they wouldn't seem to let me leave advanced math, I even asked them to let me drop down to Lavi's class, but they wouldn't let me, said I had potential or something) and somehow I think that just put the barrier between us.

It didn't help that Lavi didn't like Kanda, no one really knows why, apparently Kanda was just too much of a pretentious dick, I'd agree, but I still defended him... My crush was stone by this point too, but it wasn't love, never love.

Looking back at my eleventh year of schooling, I can't help but be content – I found my closest friend, after all, and oddball or not, I loved him for that (in a platonic sort of way).

But that was ok, I could live with that.

My twelfth year of schooling threw me into the land of the HSC, and the life of a senior. Suddenly, I got to be in the senior area, and I got to do all of these things I hadn't done before. It was mind-blowing, and at first, I was happy, and I resolved to try and get my grades back up to Kanda's level, and beat him...

...However I ended up learning quite quickly that I had no chance, I had missed out too much as I spent my days in class drawing instead of listening, and the gaps in my knowledge were too much to fill without learning at home, but at home, I was a working doujin artist, and at-home manga artist. I didn't have time at home, because at home I wasn't Allen Walker, I was Kuro-sempai, an artist on DeviantArt who strived to become a mangaka one day, following in the footsteps of many great artists.

I was quite skilled by this point too, people began to call me an amazing artist, a 16-year-old prodigy in the field, and I felt proud of that, but Kanda never noticed, in fact, Kanda hardly ever noticed me any-more, and it made me feel terrible.

It was in the early stages of my twelfth year of school that I began to question if I simply had a crush on Kanda, that perhaps I was actually attached to him – perhaps I was in love.

And that little hope burned lightly that maybe he could possibly like me back, perhaps he could hold an affection for me, because after me, neither of us had dated anyone, and I felt glad... it was cruel, but I felt glad.

However, the thought of possibly being in love scarred me, so I dated another guy, a guy from closer to the city named Tyki – he was a nice guy, he spoiled me, hugged me, showed me affection, everything a person should want in a partner, but after a month, Kanda just wouldn't get out of my head, and the thought crushed me, so I was forced to let Tyki go. I couldn't use someone like that, it was too cruel.

I never kept in contact with Tyki after that, which is unfortunate in a sense.

But that was ok, I could live with that.

The first half of the eleventh grade went well, though the stress outweighed itself, and I began to crack. I had managed to talk to Kanda more too, it made me happy, though I actually ended up unexpected becoming good friends with his friend Alma, I talk to him a fair bit now, always having poke wars on face book – it's fun.

By the middle of the year, one of my female friends, a girl named Rhode, asked me out, and feeling pressured, and lonely, I decided to give it a shot – why not? She was cute, and pretty, and perhaps maybe Kanda would get jealous...?

Fat chance, it seemed, as I let her go after a month for the same reason. I felt terrible for that, having had broken two hearts in the same year, but I just couldn't do it – Kanda's chains just wrapped around me tighter.

It was at this point, I also snapped under the pressure of high school, and after pulling a few strings and playing a few cards, I left high school for good, never finishing it, in order to go to TAFE – a form of cheap tertiary education. I needed a new start, and TAFE was where I got it.

The rest of the year went smoothly, and I unexpectedly became quite good friends with an old childhood friend of mine I'd lost contact with, Krory. Lavi and I had our first fight, but after we apologised with a mini-brawl attached, we became close friends again.

Though I haven't been able to call Lavi my best friend since that fight, in fact, I have never since been able to call anyone my best friend.

But that was ok, I could live with that.

Around September, my friend Miranda asked me out, and I relented – I needed to lose this attachment to Kanda, which kept getting stronger and stronger.

I lasted 2 months this time, though in the end we both found it just wasn't working. I honestly am happy she is with Marie now, they belong together.

Now, this year is coming to a close, and at 16 years of age, going on 17 soon, I'd have to say, I think I might be in love with him, even though he's now dating again, and we hardly speak. I want to speak with him though, my best friend and boyfriend of so many years ago, however the past is past, and I have to deal with it.

But that's ok, I can live with that.


End file.
